Hey Larry Hughes, Please Stop Taking So Many Bad Shots

David Stern is always blabbing about how global the NBA is, but I wasn’t expecting that to hold true for a niche NBA site. Well, I was wrong! The numbers really surprised me, so I thought you might be interested in seeing seeing how global Larry Hughes’ bad shooting really is!

Some of my site stats for the last 30 days:

• Visitors came from 119 countries on 6 continents.
• 78% of visitors were from the US (I’m not disclosing the actual US traffic numbers).
• Several thousand visitors from Germany where there is a huge NBA following and even German sites dedicated to the Cavs.
• 1,935 visitors from South Korea. There are some great NBA sites in Korea and while I’m not entirely familiar with Korean emoticons, judging from this page, I think they dig this site. 
• 1,623 visitors from Poland. This is a great Polish NBA site that linked to me last month.
• 1,585 visitors from Australia, and several of my active commenters are Aussies.
• 1,491 visitors from the Philippines, a HUGE basketball country. You gotta love any league that has a team named ”Purefoods Tender Juicy Giants“.
• 597 visitors from Lithuania, birthplace of our our own Zydrunas Ilgauskas, plus NBA greats such as Arvydas Sabonis and Sarunas Marciulionis.
• 101 visitors from Israel

In addition to a lot of mainstream NBA markets, check out some of the other countries I’ve had traffic from. It’s both reassuring and baffling as to why people from these countries would be interested in Larry Hughes, but I love it.

• 79 visitors from Iceland 
• 28 visitors from Saudi Arabia
• 23 visitors from Fiji. (Get off the internet, you are in Fiji!)
• 10 visitors from Mongolia. I freaking love that someone in Mongolia might be reading this!
• 3 visitors from Algeria
• 2 visitors from Ghana
• 1 visitor from Malawi
• 1 visitor from Ethiopia
• 1 visitor from Uzbekistan

Update: Thanks to my global readers for posting links in the comments section. I love checking out Cavs and NBA sites from around the world.

Feb 13, 2008: San Antonio 112 at Cleveland 105

FG              FG%        3P         3P%          FT       FT%   

11-19        .578        4-7        .571           0-1      .000

Bizarro Larry Hughes=very good game last night
26 points, 58% shooting, 6 rebounds, 3 assists, 0 steals, 0 turnovers

Manu Ginobili=GREAT game last night
46 points, 75% shooting, 5 rebounds, 8 assists, 3 steals, 1 turnover

Damn you Ginobili! How dare you steal Bizarro Larry’s thunder!!!

But if that’s what it takes to beat us, fine. I think it’s way more important to see guys like Larry play well than it is to win every game. Larry shot the ball with so much confidence, I was actually pissed they didn’t get him the ball in the last few minutes of the 2nd quarter. 

Wait, did I just type that sentence?

And I can ignore the fact that Larry had the worst plus/minus of anyone on the Cavaliers team. This was mainly the result of him playing during two of the Spurs best stretches (end of the 2nd quarter and the end of the 4th quarter).

Random thoughts:

• Fans around the NBA: If you have an underperforming player, I highly recommend the Better Shooting DVD we gave to Larry for his birthday. The best $29.95 you’ll ever spend. 
• What’s up with Larry having ZERO shot attempts in the 4th quarter? Was he trying to preserve that box score? Makes you wonder if there’s a deal in the works…
• Speaking of deals, I’d love to have Jason Kidd, but not at that price! The deal is on hold, but the Mavs agreed to trade Devin Harris, DeSagana Diop, Devean George, Jerry Stackhouse, $3 million, AND two first round draft picks! What would the Cavs have offered to compete with that? And that’s for a guy who is older, has fewer tattoos, is shorter, and weighs more than Larry Hughes.
• We have a new Hughes conspiracy theory! Turbo thinks he’s been replaced by the Larry Hughes 3000MAX robot…

Larry Hughes had a fantastic shooting night on Monday and was the main reason we beat the Magic. As I watched the game, I remarked at how easy it is for this team to win when someone besides LeBron James can make a shot. Sure, it helps when LeBron kicks in 29 pts, 7 rebounds, 10 assists, and 3 steals. But if a guy like Larry gets hot, this team becomes very dangerous.

Was Monday a Sign of the Apocalypse?
Maybe… Larry Hughes has shot 50% or better in 7 of the 37 games he’s played this season (including Monday night). Yep, just 7 times.

What are the odds of an encore performance?
Not so good… Because Larry has played like total garbage in every game following a 50% or better shooting night: 

• In those 6 games, he’s a combined 15-60, or 25% from the field.
• He’s averaging 6 points, 2.3 assists, and 2 rebounds.
• 63% from the FT line.
• 17% on three pointers.

Don’t take this the wrong way Cleveland fans. I’m encouraged that Larry has taken the time to watch the shooting DVD we got him for his birthday. And yes, he’s trending in the right direction. But let’s put away the All-Star petitions until he can play well 2 games in a row. Bring on the Spurs!

(Note to Rod Thorn: Did you see how Larry Hughes has brought the Cleveland fans together? Can you feel the love? Don’t you want this in New Jersey?)

Feb 11, 2008: Cleveland 118 (win) at Orlando 111

FG              FG%        3P         3P%          FT       FT%   

12-19        .631        4-5       .800        12-13      .923

Dear Rod Thorn,

The NBA trade deadline is on February 21st, which leaves you just 9 days to make a deal. I know you normally don’t answer phone calls from Danny Ferry, but I urge you to take his next call. It might just change the future of the Nets franchise and the World as we know it.

Let’s face it, your Nets are a rebuilding team. With a record of 22-29, you’re barely in the playoff hunt and nobody thinks you have a chance to advance past the first round. Your stars are getting old, the chemistry is a mess, and this team is going nowhere. 

But Danny Ferry could change all of that.

If you watched the Cavs-Magic game tonight, you witnessed the future of the Nets franchise. The future’s name is Laura Larry Hughes. Larry is 40-point-scorer. He’s a slasher. He even has tattoos - very cool tattoos of tough things that give him street-cred. And 3 years ago, when he played for the Wizards, Larry had a lot of steals. THOUSANDS OF STEALS. More steals than any player every recorded in the history of the NBA. You like steals, don’t you Rod?

It’s time to admit that Jason Kidd is a bad shooter. How bad? He’s only shooting 37% from the field this season. Yes, 37%! And if the season ended today, Jason Kidd would have the lowest shooting percentage of any player in the history of the NBA. That’s a fact - look it up.

And what do you pay this guy who is the worst shooter in the history of the NBA? $20 million a year? Are you crazy? It must be hard to show your face in public. But Danny Ferry could change all of that. Because if you ask nicely, Danny might give you the young and talented Larry Hughes for the crappy old guy you call Jason Kidd. And because Larry is so affordable, you get him PLUS another player!

Think I’m crazy? Fine. But before you click away, check out the head-to-head statistics for Larry versus Jason Kidd:

AGE
Jason Kidd: 34
Larry Hughes: 29
Advantage: LARRY HUGHES
At 34 years old, Kidd is older than Robert Parish when he was 33. And we all know that Robert Parish sucked.

TATTOOS
Jason Kidd: unknown
Larry Hughes: More than 15, including ones with skulls and bad-ass religious passages.
Advantage: LARRY HUGHES

WEIGHT
Jason Kidd: 210
Larry Hughes: 184
Advantage: LARRY HUGHES
This is basketball, not Sumo wrestling! And all of that extra weight means more jet fuel for the team’s charter. Larry is not only skinnier, he’ll save you gas money. Think about the total cost of ownership!

POLICE RECORD
Jason Kidd: Yes. (see mug shot above)
Larry Hughes: unknown
Advantage: LARRY HUGHES

NICKNAME
Jason Kidd: Mr. Triple Double
Larry Hughes: Smooth
Advantage: LARRY HUGHES
WTF is a triple double? I have no clue, but that nickname is way too long. Smooth is easier to pronounce and it will cost less to get it as a tattoo.

STEALS
Jason Kidd: Occasionally
Larry Hughes: 3 years ago in Washington, Larry broke the all time steal record for planet Earth by averaging 12 steals a game. That’s right, 12. You don’t need to look it up - just ask any Cavs fan about Larry Hughes’ defense. And he broke the record while playing one-handed. And halfway through the season, he stopped trying to get steals because it was just too easy. This record will never be broken. Ever.  
Advantage: LARRY HUGHES 

OLYMPIC GOLD MEDALS
Jason Kidd: 1
Larry Hughes: unknown
Advantage: Not Applicable.
Rod, are you the GM of the Team USA or the New Jersey Nets? That’s what I thought. Kidd needs to stop re-living the past and realize that gold medals don’t mean a damn!

POINTS SCORED ON FEBRUARY 11, 2008
Jason Kidd: Zero, zilch, none. That just shows you how far Jason Kidd has fallen. He scored zero points tonight!
Larry Hughes: 40
Advantage: LARRY HUGHES 

HEROIC COMEBACKS FROM INJURY THIS SEASON
Jason Kidd: Zero
Larry Hughes: 2+. Larry has overcome a bone bruise, a stubbed toe, and many other maladies. These comebacks build character. And when Larry gets injured in the playoffs, you can bet your ass he will make a heroic comeback after he is healed! 
Advantage: LARRY HUGHES

HEIGHT
Jason Kidd: 6-4
Larry Hughes: 6-5
Advantage: LARRY HUGHES
Have you ever heard the expression “you can’t teach height?” Well you can’t! And Jason Kidd will never learn to be 6-5!

FINAL SCORE
Jason Kidd: 0
Larry Hughes: 9
Winner: LARRY HUGHES

Rod, it’s simple. Jason Kidd sucks. Larry Hughes is awesome. Are you going to save the franchise, or are you going to sit back and watch Larry Hughes lead the Cleveland Cavaliers to 10 consecutive championships?

Sincerely,

That Guy With The Larry Hughes Web Site

Feb 10, 2008: Denver 113 at Cleveland 83 (loss)

FG          FG%         3P         3P%       FT       FT%   

6-15        .400        1-7       .142        1-2      .500

1st Quarter Highlights:
9:07  Larry Hughes makes 19-foot jumper
8:07  Larry Hughes misses 25-foot three point jumper
5:07  Larry Hughes misses 23-foot jumper
4:16  Larry Hughes bad pass (Allen Iverson steals)
4:11  Allen Iverson makes layup
2:30  Larry Hughes makes 23-foot three point jumper
1:13   Larry Hughes misses free throw 1 of 2
1:13   Larry Hughes makes free throw 2 of 2
0:00  Larry Hughes misses 24-foot three point jumper (Mike Brown, why set up a play for Larry to shoot a three at the end of the quarter? Why??? Why????)

2nd Quarter Highlights:
5:48   Larry Hughes makes layup
0:00   Larry Hughes misses 58-foot three point jumper

3rd Quarter Highlights:
10:22 Larry Hughes misses 20-foot jumper
8:15   Larry Hughes misses 23-foot three point jumper
7:20   Larry Hughes makes 16-foot jumper
7:11    Larry Hughes personal foul (Allen Iverson draws the foul)
5:35   Larry Hughes misses 25-foot three point jumper
5:09   Larry Hughes makes driving layup
4:28   Larry Hughes makes 16-foot jumper
3:08   Larry Hughes misses 23-foot three point jumper

4th Quarter Highlights:
NONE