Hey Larry Hughes, Please Stop Taking So Many Bad Shots

Hey Larry Hughes, Please Stop Taking So Many Bad Shots header image 2

Dear Rod Thorn…

February 11th, 2008 · 65 Comments

Feb 11, 2008: Cleveland 118 (win) at Orlando 111

FG              FG%        3P         3P%          FT       FT%   

12-19        .631        4-5       .800        12-13      .923

 Jason Kidd Larry Hughes

Dear Rod Thorn,

The NBA trade deadline is on February 21st, which leaves you just 9 days to make a deal. I know you normally don’t answer phone calls from Danny Ferry, but I urge you to take his next call. It might just change the future of the Nets franchise and the World as we know it.

Let’s face it, your Nets are a rebuilding team. With a record of 22-29, you’re barely in the playoff hunt and nobody thinks you have a chance to advance past the first round. Your stars are getting old, the chemistry is a mess, and this team is going nowhere. 

But Danny Ferry could change all of that.

If you watched the Cavs-Magic game tonight, you witnessed the future of the Nets franchise. The future’s name is Laura Larry Hughes. Larry is 40-point-scorer. He’s a slasher. He even has tattoos - very cool tattoos of tough things that give him street-cred. And 3 years ago, when he played for the Wizards, Larry had a lot of steals. THOUSANDS OF STEALS. More steals than any player every recorded in the history of the NBA. You like steals, don’t you Rod?

Larry Hughes versus Orlando

It’s time to admit that Jason Kidd is a bad shooter. How bad? He’s only shooting 37% from the field this season. Yes, 37%! And if the season ended today, Jason Kidd would have the lowest shooting percentage of any player in the history of the NBA. That’s a fact - look it up.

And what do you pay this guy who is the worst shooter in the history of the NBA? $20 million a year? Are you crazy? It must be hard to show your face in public. But Danny Ferry could change all of that. Because if you ask nicely, Danny might give you the young and talented Larry Hughes for the crappy old guy you call Jason Kidd. And because Larry is so affordable, you get him PLUS another player!

Think I’m crazy? Fine. But before you click away, check out the head-to-head statistics for Larry versus Jason Kidd:

AGE
Jason Kidd: 34
Larry Hughes: 29
Advantage: LARRY HUGHES
At 34 years old, Kidd is older than Robert Parish when he was 33. And we all know that Robert Parish sucked.

TATTOOS
Jason Kidd: unknown
Larry Hughes: More than 15, including ones with skulls and bad-ass religious passages.
Advantage: LARRY HUGHES

WEIGHT
Jason Kidd: 210
Larry Hughes: 184
Advantage: LARRY HUGHES
This is basketball, not Sumo wrestling! And all of that extra weight means more jet fuel for the team’s charter. Larry is not only skinnier, he’ll save you gas money. Think about the total cost of ownership!

POLICE RECORD
Jason Kidd: Yes. (see mug shot above)
Larry Hughes: unknown
Advantage: LARRY HUGHES

NICKNAME
Jason Kidd: Mr. Triple Double
Larry Hughes: Smooth
Advantage: LARRY HUGHES
WTF is a triple double? I have no clue, but that nickname is way too long. Smooth is easier to pronounce and it will cost less to get it as a tattoo.

STEALS
Jason Kidd: Occasionally
Larry Hughes: 3 years ago in Washington, Larry broke the all time steal record for planet Earth by averaging 12 steals a game. That’s right, 12. You don’t need to look it up - just ask any Cavs fan about Larry Hughes’ defense. And he broke the record while playing one-handed. And halfway through the season, he stopped trying to get steals because it was just too easy. This record will never be broken. Ever.  
Advantage: LARRY HUGHES 

OLYMPIC GOLD MEDALS
Jason Kidd: 1
Larry Hughes: unknown
Advantage: Not Applicable.
Rod, are you the GM of the Team USA or the New Jersey Nets? That’s what I thought. Kidd needs to stop re-living the past and realize that gold medals don’t mean a damn!

POINTS SCORED ON FEBRUARY 11, 2008
Jason Kidd: Zero, zilch, none. That just shows you how far Jason Kidd has fallen. He scored zero points tonight!
Larry Hughes: 40
Advantage: LARRY HUGHES 

HEROIC COMEBACKS FROM INJURY THIS SEASON
Jason Kidd: Zero
Larry Hughes: 2+. Larry has overcome a bone bruise, a stubbed toe, and many other maladies. These comebacks build character. And when Larry gets injured in the playoffs, you can bet your ass he will make a heroic comeback after he is healed! 
Advantage: LARRY HUGHES

HEIGHT
Jason Kidd: 6-4
Larry Hughes: 6-5
Advantage: LARRY HUGHES
Have you ever heard the expression “you can’t teach height?” Well you can’t! And Jason Kidd will never learn to be 6-5!

FINAL SCORE
Jason Kidd: 0
Larry Hughes: 9
Winner: LARRY HUGHES

Rod, it’s simple. Jason Kidd sucks. Larry Hughes is awesome. Are you going to save the franchise, or are you going to sit back and watch Larry Hughes lead the Cleveland Cavaliers to 10 consecutive championships?

Sincerely,

That Guy With The Larry Hughes Web Site

larry what up

Tags: 2007-2008 Season · Best Of · Memos

65 responses so far ↓

  • 1 little larry sellers // Feb 11, 2008 at 11:24 pm

    Man, I wish I still lived in Cleveland to see the fallout from this. The city isn’t quiet because it’s 1AM and people are sleeping soundly in bed. No, they’re sitting on their couches and La-Z-Boys, mouths agape, stunned.

    I assume that’s why I’m the first one to post today. Everyone else must be reeling from the mere thought of a 40 point outburst from Hughes.

  • 2 andrew // Feb 11, 2008 at 11:27 pm

    LOL best one yet

  • 3 Tom // Feb 11, 2008 at 11:28 pm

    why don’t u make fun of OTHER TEAM’S PLAYERS.

  • 4 Tom // Feb 11, 2008 at 11:29 pm

    One of the bigger wins of the season and we have larry hughes to thank.

  • 5 Stunned Cavs Fan // Feb 11, 2008 at 11:47 pm

    I am so pissed… The ONE time Hughes has a good game, I miss it… I’ve watched nearly every Cavs game this season, including the shalacking from Denver last night, yet I miss this one… I’m going to go back into a complete state of awe now…

  • 6 clefan // Feb 12, 2008 at 12:01 am

    Tom, how old are you?

    Well, I’m 73 f**king years old, and it’s been a while since Cleveland won a championship!

    While you may be satisfied watching an overpaid guy like Larry Hughes piss away our chances at a championship, I can’t sit quietly.

    I think this site is working. And if we can win the title this year, maybe I’ll be inspired to stop living IN A VAN DOWN BY THE RIVER!

  • 7 Billy // Feb 12, 2008 at 12:10 am

    I was literally rolling while reading this post. Great work, best one yet.

  • 8 Matt // Feb 12, 2008 at 1:26 am

    This was by far the funniest thing I have ever read, agreewith Billy above….on the floor laughing. You can’t teach 6′5”…priceless

  • 9 Aj // Feb 12, 2008 at 1:53 am

    Great game ay.
    We’re winning games when LeBron get 6-10 assists. Larry had a great shooting game. In the past few games he has been getting to the line and its helping his game in confidence.

    Do the Cavs really want Jason Kidd…?

  • 10 Boris // Feb 12, 2008 at 1:54 am

    If a tree falls in the forest, but no one’s there to hear it…

  • 11 Oren // Feb 12, 2008 at 2:05 am

    Wow, that was hilarious :D

  • 12 MaskedKoala // Feb 12, 2008 at 3:15 am

    Hahaha, that picture of Larry holding Jameer Nelson’s nuts is classic.

  • 13 Mortimer // Feb 12, 2008 at 5:55 am

    As soon as I saw that Larry actually had a good game, I ran over here as quick as my fingers could go. Rod Thorn is a damn fool if he doesn’t make this deal!

  • 14 eric // Feb 12, 2008 at 6:05 am

    Dude you are awesome. Even when Loser Larry pulls a good game out his ass, you still manage to rip on him. Im with you, get rid of his ass!

  • 15 The Original Bill // Feb 12, 2008 at 7:04 am

    Time to get rid of this site, don’t you think?

  • 16 Matthew // Feb 12, 2008 at 7:19 am

    Nope, end of March, like I said. Still plenty of time for him to get another mysterious ailment. In the meanwhile…looks like that DVD did some good, huh?

    Excellent work on this one. All I can add is please please please please PLEASE don’t trade Drew Gooden! I don’t understand it, but when he starts this team is so much better it isn’t funny.

  • 17 Pete // Feb 12, 2008 at 7:21 am

    Just think, to sweeten the deal even more we could give Ron the unbeleive 3-point shooting ability of Donyell Marshall. Between former the former steals leader and 3-pt fg% leader how could you not make that deal?

  • 18 Shoot Larry Shoot! // Feb 12, 2008 at 7:26 am

    Have to give credit where credit is due, Larry had a great game. He made shots, played D, and was lights-out from the stripe. For the first time, I enjoyed watching Larry play and wanted the ball in his hands. That being said, Bill you are so stupid it hurts. One good game does not erase 100 shitty games. If you are sick of this site Bill, why are you on it every day? I am 90% sure Bill is larry hughes. The other 10% is that Bill is hoping someday larry will marry him. Finally, the biggest reason not to get rid of this site is because the author is hilarious, and if Larry averages 40 points for the rest of the season he can just change the name to “hey larry hughes stop getting so many retarded tattoos.”

  • 19 The Original Bill // Feb 12, 2008 at 7:32 am

    So what if I think Larry is cute and I dream of him being my sugar daddy, sharing his $12 million contract? A boy can dream can’t he? And larry is sooooo dreamy :) ;)

  • 20 NetsFan // Feb 12, 2008 at 7:35 am

    As a Nets fan I think you just convinced me… The Nets need Larry Lose.

  • 21 02/12 Morning Minute: 40 Points Of Freedom | WaitingForNextYear // Feb 12, 2008 at 7:35 am

    […] against the Spurs tomorrow.  And it isn’t surprising that HeyLarryHughes… is looking to sell high.  They make quite the sales […]

  • 22 Disco Stu // Feb 12, 2008 at 7:56 am

    This is probably the best or second best Larry Hughes related website.

  • 23 J Beanie // Feb 12, 2008 at 8:55 am

    I’m still not convinced that that was really Larry Hughes last night.

  • 24 David // Feb 12, 2008 at 9:24 am

    Larry proved to us all last night that if you put a monkey in front of a typwriter, eventually he’ll come up with some shakespere .

    One of the best posts yet!!!

  • 25 Shoot Larry Shoot! // Feb 12, 2008 at 10:15 am

    Larry for MVP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • 26 Keller // Feb 12, 2008 at 10:50 am

    As soon as I saw Larry dropped 40, I just had to get to this site! Freaking hilarious!

  • 27 John H // Feb 12, 2008 at 10:59 am

    Dear God, what a great column.

    Am I asking too much to see a Photoshop of a blind squirrel, with Hughes’s head super-imposed, holding an acorn? It’s probably too late for last night’s game, but you can work on it for Hughes’s next big game. (Going by the Larry Period theory, which says he has a good game about once a month, I’m calling March 12 against New Jersey (!) as his next outburst.)

  • 28 rashard // Feb 12, 2008 at 11:39 am

    I don’t know why you guys keep complimenting Larry Hughes on a good game when it was obviously just Bizzario Larry Hughes.

  • 29 Gmoney // Feb 12, 2008 at 12:02 pm

    Bizarro Larry does live in the Kissimmee/St. Cloud area. It should come as no surprise that he showed up last night.

  • 30 Bill // Feb 12, 2008 at 2:07 pm

    You can all thank me!!!

    I’ve been wining and dining Mr. Glass for about a month now. All that positive attention is starting to show itself in Larry’s jumper.

  • 31 E.F. // Feb 12, 2008 at 4:19 pm

    Way to go Larry!!! Looks like he used his present! Now let’s kick the Spurs’ butts with 40 points from Larry again!!

  • 32 Melvin // Feb 12, 2008 at 4:33 pm

    Whoa! Larry has to be traded quick! LOL to the Police record… great job of researching!!!

    My next poll will be about Larry Hughes, thats for sure..
    http://basketballnonsense.blogspot.com/2008/02/its-final-pierce-is-better-than-mcgrady.html

  • 33 Jordan // Feb 12, 2008 at 6:08 pm

    This website is total garbage. Quit taking shots at Larry Hughes for being inconsistent. The guy is a great defensive player and a capable being a big scorer to go along with Lebron James. Larry Hughers since moving to the point are 17-5 with the win last night in Orlando. To me that is a pretty sold record. Larry Hughes is not going to put up the numbers he did in Washington because Washington didnt have a LBJ. As much as I would love to see us get kidd but I’m perfeclty fine with seeing Larry continue to catch fire at the perfect time to catch fire during the play off race

  • 34 John E. Sanford // Feb 12, 2008 at 6:11 pm

    As soon as I saw that Mr. Hughes scored 40 points, I had to come to this site. I am damn near in tears I have been laughing so hard.

  • 35 Larry's Tattoo Artist // Feb 12, 2008 at 6:40 pm

    great game Larry! I have also noticed that the kitten alerts have been at a minimum too. Keep this up and you might be shooting over 38% for the year!!

  • 36 Nathan // Feb 12, 2008 at 7:06 pm

    sick blog man.

  • 37 Larry Spews // Feb 12, 2008 at 7:31 pm

    Hey Clefan, best post yet. I see that we have 2 more in the mix who seem to be hobbing LH’s Nob. Jordan and Tom… Why don’t you two douchebags get a sense of humor? Also, how could you possibly be sticking up for a man making 12 mil who has one good game out of every 10? When you got one out of every 10 questions right on your ACT’s did Mommy and Daddy give you a “that a boy” or did they ask you how the hell you became so dumb? I will go out on a limb and say…the latter.

  • 38 clefan // Feb 12, 2008 at 7:38 pm

    Thanks for all of the kind words! I’m lucky to have such a great audience.

    And don’t ever forget: You can’t teach height. I’m sorry Jason Kidd, it’s true.

  • 39 mpb // Feb 12, 2008 at 8:19 pm

    absolutely hilarious…..”He even has tattoos - very cool tattoos of tough things that give him street-cred”——-classic

  • 40 mark // Feb 12, 2008 at 9:12 pm

    My wife is giving me strange looks because I’m laughing so hard…one little thing, though, Cleveland 118 Orlando 111

  • 41 WOW // Feb 12, 2008 at 10:09 pm

    Wow…..I gotta get that JJ Redick DVD.
    If Hughes can do it, anyone can do it right?

  • 42 clefan // Feb 12, 2008 at 10:34 pm

    Thanks Mark! Totally screwed that up!

  • 43 heychrispearsonstopmakingsomanybadcutlines // Feb 13, 2008 at 12:16 am

    happy to see everyone here is content riding some e-stalker nuts. keep copy/pasting and congratulating 73 year olds’ played-out diction. i myself will continue watching the cavs win big games under harsh scrutiny. Also, Chris Pearson sucks at Cutlining.

  • 44 clefan // Feb 13, 2008 at 12:31 am

    To the commenter above (heychrispearson…), I noticed that this is the 4th comment you’ve left on my site in the last three weeks. I know this because even though you use a different name each time, your comments are tracked by IP address.

    4 different comments to bash me is a bit much, wouldn’t you agree?

    Who’s the stalker?

    If you don’t like it, it’s OK to just stay away. Really, it is.

    And don’t hate on Chris Pearson, the guy is a great Web designer.

  • 45 heychrispearsonstopmakingsomanybadcutlines // Feb 13, 2008 at 12:48 am

    sorry, just found a moniker that fit. please don’t misinterpret as trolling. and i’ll stop chris pearson hating when you end your divisive crusade to splinter cavs fans.

  • 46 clefan // Feb 13, 2008 at 12:57 am

    “Divisive crusade to splinter Cavs fans”???

    Dude, you are losing it.

    I’m just trying to use some humor to help Cavs fans get through a a tough situation. We’ve got the best player on the planet, but our supporting cast hasn’t been good enough. I want what every Cavs fan wants - an NBA championship! But with the current roster, it’s looking like a longshot unless every player (including LH) plays up to his potential.

    I think you insult the intelligence of the average Cleveland fan. Do you think the fans are so unfamiliar with basketball that they can’t tell Larry Hughes has played like crap for almost the entire season? Does that make them bad Cavs fans for wanting more?

    Just because your Daddy said you should always love Bernie Kosar, it doesn’t mean you HAVE to love Larry Hughes.

    (And besides, Bernie had a much better perm)

  • 47 Darien // Feb 13, 2008 at 1:11 am

    How do you divide sports fans who are supposedly cheering for the same team? Boy, I sure hope cleveland loses now! Wait…

    I’m wondering what Lebron is thinking right now. Maybe… get me the hell out of here?

  • 48 Jimboo // Feb 13, 2008 at 2:38 am

    larry LEGEND! screw lebron. HAHAHA!

  • 49 Gmoney // Feb 13, 2008 at 11:51 am

    If you hate what clefan is doing here, just ask yourself this…

    Does Larry Hughes take a ton of bad shots???

  • 50 morgan lumberg // Feb 13, 2008 at 12:24 pm

    I met larry hughes once. He and I were in the same tattoo parlor years back. He got a really cool one on his chest which made me afraid. It was a picture depicting him at a young age being cradled by his mother Chaquaquee Lawrence.

    Leave him alone, he’s awesome and great for Cleveland.

  • 51 L3Bron's the BomB // Feb 13, 2008 at 1:58 pm

    this site is hilarious….

    but i think what we saw monday was “SUPER BIZARRO Larry Hughes”

    i hope he some how keeps it up, if he does the league better watch out!

  • 52 idkCAVS // Feb 13, 2008 at 6:31 pm

    this is just awesome… wow it must’ve took you sometime organizing all these traits that larry is better than kidd at. LMAO @ “what is triple double”

  • 53 E.F. // Feb 15, 2008 at 4:02 pm

    if larry stays like this after he comes back from all star break, the celtics and the rest of the east will be afraid of the cavs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • 54 bDub // Feb 20, 2008 at 5:24 am

    I have hated on Larry for so long now without knowing of this phenomenal site. by the time i got to the picture of bizarro larry i was sold. Now maybe I can start my other site to showcase the erratic tendencies of Sasha Pavlovic…

  • 55 YOOOOOOOO // Feb 21, 2008 at 6:05 pm

    hahahah… larry hughes finally got traded. horrible fantasy player, he shoulda stayed in Washington IMO. he sucked in cavs. hahahaha

    whoever made this website is a G

  • 56 Chris // Feb 21, 2008 at 10:09 pm

    hey whats your email

    i want to run this site

    i live in chicago and would love to run it

  • 57 Mac // Feb 21, 2008 at 10:36 pm

    My feelings are mixed about this trade. I look at our old roster and we did fairly well when healthy. I always felt that the key was LH and if he could get motivated and play more consistent we could win a championship. He seemed to improve in the last month but you just never know what your going to get with him and Gooden. I’m going to miss all the guys that are leaving and can only look forward to the future.

    If I only had a Crystal Ball…

  • 58 bDub // Feb 22, 2008 at 1:55 pm

    i feel a little sad to see donyell leave, not for his skills so much but because he is a funny dude… so can wally-world really make shots? or is that just a best case scenario.

  • 59 c. eden // Feb 22, 2008 at 5:26 pm

    Dag. I can’t believe I actaully looked up the average steals per game three seasons ago on ESPN.com. And now I can’t believe I’m sharing this with the world…

  • 60 JL Bixby // Feb 24, 2008 at 10:24 am

    I was lamenting how much I would miss your website after Danny Ferry made last Thursday’s blockbuster trade.

    Although I have lived in Chicago for 10 years, I was born and raised in Cleveland and have been a Cavs fan from day one even before Austin Carr was drafted #1.

    My first thought regarding the fate of

    heylarryhughespleasestoptakingsomanybadshots.com

    was that all good things must come to an end. But, then, like Larry’s shots over the past few seasons, an idea hit me like a ton of bricks:

    heybenwallacepleasestoptakingsomanybadfoulshots.com

    So please consider this option before you lauch your fan survey to ultimately decide the fate of your website. And if we somehow take it all in the NBA playoffs, I forgive Big Ben in advance. We all can’t shoot like Mark Price from the free-throw stripe.

    Go Cavs!

    Yours truly,
    Jim Bixby

  • 61 Jon D // Feb 24, 2008 at 11:47 pm

    Picked up the link from Bill Simmons - only wish ESPN was this funny. This site is hilarious. Good job!

  • 62 Tom Tillack // Mar 7, 2008 at 8:37 pm

    The Rod Thorn leter, well, it’s the funniest thing that i have ever read.

  • 63 Trade Machine Fun | WaitingForNextYear // May 22, 2008 at 12:42 pm

    […] this one is really out there. But it worked for HeyLarryHughesPleaseStopTakingSoManyBadShots so maybe it will work here. Steve Nash is finished. He is washed up. (snicker) With a new coach […]

  • 64 TM // Nov 29, 2008 at 1:39 pm

    You talk about shooting % but yet you say Parish is a bum. This site is stupid, I rather have sex with Bill Simmons then visit this troll infest website.

  • 65 PDiddy // Feb 19, 2009 at 12:17 pm

    THIS IS HYSTERICAL!

    I nearly peed in my pants! My very expensive pants that I bought with the proceeds of Biggies 10th posthumous album.

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